What inspired me to write my first novel?
A few years before I wrote my first novel Staying Alive, I was going through a depressive and trying period in my life. I had a lot of childhood trauma that was being triggered and I decided I would look for a book or something on the Internet that could help make some sense for what was going on with me. That’s when I found this book called The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. It was more of a book for those going through love addiction and breakups. I found it very helpful and even therapeutic, as I was exhibiting a lot of the same symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors as those interviewed in the book. It’s written by therapist Susan Anderson who had similar experiences loss and heartbreak. The book was therapeutic. And that’s what spurred the idea of my first novel. What if I wrote a character who was going through similar issues, but their abusive father reached out to them many years later? What would they do?
And the more I researched the more I came across a common thread: most gay men don’t have great relationships with their fathers, let alone their family. It’s a lucky position to be an LGBT person and have a great relationship with your family. Most families, especially ones that are religious, hold traditional beliefs that the only way to live a morally positive life is to be straight and follow societal cultural rules, even if those rules and expectations are problematic themselves. The more I developed this story, the more I realized this story could be an interesting window into that theme.
In the novel, I explore the theme of forgiveness as it pertains to a child-parent relationship. However, I also add in romantic relationships as well to show how childhood issues can affect adult relationships, especially if they are left unresolved. This is something I’m not sure is considered when looking at the issues and prejudices within the LGBT community (more on that in my upcoming second novel). Now even though I can’t site any novels that influenced the one that I wrote, I can point to three that can serve as examples of what I’m talking about. The first two are gay romance novels. TT Kove’s More than Anything is a novel I read a long time ago. It features a protagonist who embarks on a romantic relationship with a younger guy, all the while struggling with PTSD stemmed from childhood abuse. Another one, Crash by Jerry Cole, shows a protagonist who was bullied in high school and is now an adult writer who is cynical and untrusting. He falls in love with an old high school flame who he considers abandoned him and allowed the bullying to happen. This is not a bully romance, but a second-chance love story.
But my last example of who showed how childhood trauma can affect adult life is Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens. This is one of my favorite novels because the protagonist Kya has a similar childhood to mine. It was inspiring to see her grow up through the story and through the hardships she endured. I also love the narration and the way Owens wrote it. Although I have few criticisms of it, overall it’s an amazing story and waiting to see if she writes any more novels, as this was her only one of fiction.
I hope this story inspires anyone who reads it, especially if they are gay and struggling with childhood and family issues from the past. We don’t need to let the past dictate the future, but it’s something to examine and be mindful of. If you haven’t read the book, check it out here and let me know what you think.
