The True Meaning of Self-Care

Self-care is whatever activity you do that helps you in your mental and physical well-being especially in times of stress. These could include going for a long walk, taking a nap, taking a bubble bath, or eating your favorite foods and drinks. However, many of us may put our self-care on the back burner as we strive for greater productivity and success. Other times, our sense of self-care can slide into overindulgence. It’s important to seek balance in life, but how do we know when our acts of self-care are actually causing us more stress? Let’s explore that in this fourth episode of the Life Journey series. 

Today we’re continuing with the Life Journey series, but let me take a moment to explain more about it, as I haven’t done that in the previous episodes. I explained in the last episode the concept of this podcast, which was episode four called “spirituality versus psychology”. But in this series, I’m looking at the practice of Tarot card reading and connecting it to psychological terms most of us recognize. Like I said before, spirituality is a way for us to cultivate a deeper meaning in life. Psychology can fill in those gaps and give us a more concrete understanding of how our mind works, as well as our behavior and emotions. It can keep us more grounded in reality, since spirituality is very abstract. 

So Tarot is a practice of using a specific set of cards, laying it out in certain spreads, and letting your intuition guide you. You infer the meaning of the cards you draw. And since it’s depends on this personal connection, I delegate it under the umbrella of spirituality. So the main aspect is called the Fool’s Journey, represented by 23 cards called the Major Arcana. It starts with the Fool and ends with the World. It details a journey of someone who is naïve and unknowing and how through this journey the person gains more understanding and balance in the world. Now, for those of us that don’t practice Tarot, we can relate this to starting a new journey in life, whether that be a new career, relationship, or any major transition. Hence the name for this series being called a Life Journey. 

In Tarot, each card in the Major Arcana represents an archetypical energy. So in episode one I examined what to look out for where starting a new journey in life. This is represented by the Fool, a naïve person who is at the beginning of their journey or transition. In episode two, I examined the true meaning of willpower and how it assists us during this transition. It’s represented by the Magician, as someone who can use the resources and knowledge they have to help them along the way. And lastly in episode three, I took a deeper look at what intuition is and is not. That is indicated by the High Priestess, which simply represents that inner voice that serves as our intuition. 

So in this episode, I want to focus on the next card in order, which is the Empress. She represents a queen and mother energy who nurtures you when you’re down. This is a reminder that we should take a break on our journey and engage in some form of self-care. But let me break this concept down into three parts. 

Part 1: Why Self-Care is Important

So for this first part, let’s discuss why self-care is important. It’s easy to feel burned out in today’s society. You may have a full-time job or multiple jobs that add to the constant stress of financial obligations. Some of us have social obligations we try to keep up with, and then there are family obligations. So many things that need our attention and yet only so many hours in the day. 

At the core, self-care is about taking time to do activities that help alleviate stress and reinforce your wellbeing on a physical, mental, and emotional level. There are many activities you can do to achieve this depending on your lifestyle and circumstances. There’s mediation, exercise, taking a long shower or bath, eating your favorite foods, listening to certain music, reading, playing with your pets, or simply taking time to engage with family and friends. This isn’t about fulfilling obligations but is a way to connect with those closest to you. 

Taking time out to center yourself can lessen daily stress and health issues such as migraines, high blood pressure, and any mental and emotional challenges one may have. For me, watching a movie, playing a video game, and even going out with friends for dinner and drinks allows me to take a break from these daily stressors. Going to a museum and traveling allows me to explore the world beyond my immediate environment. It gives me a sense of peace and serenity. 

But I feel like many of you already know this information or you’ve heard it repeated to you. So let’s move on to part two. 

Part 2: Overindulgence and Burnout 

There’s some nuanced information that gets left out when someone talks about self-care. And that’s our misconceptions and fears. 

When does self-care actually turn into over-indulgence? When our self-care goes beyond alleviating stress and finding our center, but turns into avoidance, or at worst, addiction. No longer is it about cultivating peace and serenity. We engage in activities we label as self-care to avoid any negative aspects of our life. Sure, we all need a distraction now and then, but too much can cause more stress and issues. We start to ignore obligations and alienate others. We may feel entitled simply because we’ve had a minor inconvenience. I deserve this shopping spree, although it might blow my budget. I deserve this piece of cake or beverage, although I’m on a diet. I deserve this service or special treatment, although it might cause issues for others. Now this may sound extreme, but let’s think about it. A quick shopping spree can turn into a shopping addiction. Having a treat now and then can turn into a food or drug addiction if we’re not careful. This can happen when we try our best to ignore the negative stressors in our life to where we don’t deal with them at all.

Lifestyle and personal growth influencers can promote self-care in a way that perpetuates toxic positivity, where we ignore anything negative in life. But ignoring problems will only create more of them. Yes, sometimes we need a break. But self-care is about balance.

Now let’s flip it to the other side. Some of us don’t take adequate time to care for ourselves. We overtax ourselves with obligations, whether that’s our job, family, or other social and financial commitments. I’ll use parenthood as an example, and I know this is a tricky subject especially because I don’t have any kids. But I’ve seen parents who fear that self-care means not caring for your family at all, leaving the children by the wayside and abandoning them in order to pursue your own interests. But that’s not true. Self-care should be something that feels beneficial. And abandoning your family will only create more problems. Perhaps you can take a day and send the kids off to another relative’s house that will ensure they are safe while you’re away. Or hire a responsible babysitter. You’re not forgetting your family, but you are alleviating some of the stress from it. 

Another example is a daily job. If you can take vacations and personal days, take them. The job will be there when you get back, and I believe every worker deserved a break from the constant grind of work. Some workers fear this will impact their job, but this is a dangerous mindset to have that will only make you feel more burned out. I understand the feeling, and it is valid. But hustle culture is only something that leaves you exhausted in the end. And that’s if you even reach that marker of success you’re striving for. 

The bottom line is this. If you can achieve some kind of balance and care for yourself, then you’re able to show up and care for others in a more mutually beneficial way. There’s a saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s hard to show up for others if you’re struggling and trying to do everything on your own. 

Part 3: Self-Care in Today’s Society 

But I’ve been alluding to this third and final part. The challenge of applying self-care in today’s society has a real cause to it. It’s why many of us may have an unbalanced view of it and it’s reflected in our habits.  

Capitalism is a broad subject I will touch on in future episodes because it affects so much of our lives in various ways. But this is why so many of us may feel that we can’t take care of ourselves adequately enough. That vacation wasn’t long enough. I can’t take enough time off from work even if I’m sick and emotionally and mentally exhausted. I don’t have the money to engage in fun hobbies and activities that will ease a lot of stress in my life. Worst of all, if I take time off, it will hurt my productivity, income, or overall reputation and the idea of success. These fears and beliefs are very real and valid. 

Our success in this world depends on how productive we can be, how well we can participate in the machine of capitalism. And this takes a lot of our time and energy away. Even if you are self-employed or create your own business, there is still a lot of energy and time that will be demanded of you every day until you get to a point where you can finally take an extended break. And that will also take a lot of luck. 

Also, when other people or influencers talk about self-care, it can have a very capitalistic notion to it. We think we should engage in self-care activities so that we can be refreshed to go back to work again. Repeating the cycle of getting exhausted until we finally retire much later in life, if at all. Or we need to heavily engage in consumerism. If we buy this new shiny thing, then we’ll feel better about ourselves and even get greater respect. Sure it’s nice to have stuff but do you actually need that new item? Do you really need a closet full of expensive clothes and the latest gadget in order to alleviate stress in your life? Consumerist marketing only feeds the capitalist machine. And again, this is a complex subject that we will touch on in greater detail in the future. 

But self-care should be viewed as what we can do to benefit ourselves on a deep intrinsic way. I’m not talking about taking a vacation so you don’t have to go to work for a week. I’m talking about exploring another city or a hobby that actually makes you happy and energized. Catch up on sleep or engage in meditation and spiritual practices. Binge-watching your favorite show is fine in moderation but it’s not an activity that will bring you a deep sense of peace and relief in the longterm.  

This is a more nuanced approach to self-care and if it feels like it has a spiritual approach to it, that’s because it does. Self-care activities are ways we can connect with ourselves on a deep level. Perhaps in ways that we can’t with the daily stress of living in a society that forces us to constantly be productive. Self-care can be challenging depending on your circumstances, but it’s not impossible. It is deeply personal though, just like spirituality. But it’s important to note that one activity that brings you peace one day may not work the next day. That’s okay. Different stresses and moments in our life calls for different forms of self-care. One day a long hot shower is what you need, the next a long walk in nature does the trick. If reading your favorite book after work is boring one day, then switch it up and do something else. Self-care shouldn’t feel like a chore. So much in life already does. 

Conclusion 

So in conclusion, self-care is about restoring balance in our lives. It’s about alleviating stress through activities that promote our wellbeing physically, mentally, and emotionally. You aren’t selfish for taking time to yourself but you must be mindful of overindulgence. Self-care can even restore our hope in the world when we are feeling burned out. Societal pressure makes it challenging to do so, but it’s not impossible. Reach out for help if you feel you need it. Sometimes, we all need to take a break. The next episode in this series will be on self-empowerment.